December 30, 2014
I still cannot believe it.
Any writings I’ve planned to make have just disappeared suddenly.
It was when I heard about you. When I heard that shocking news.
It was not raining; it was a shiny day and quiet evening when I was staying in my room, checking some news on my Facebook page.
But that quiet evening really turn the situation into silent, shocked, and sad feelings inside me.
The happiness of welcoming New Year was also disappeared.
I still cannot believe that you are one of the passengers of that plane.
I remembered that I have read the passenger’s list and although I found a name similar to you, I just didn’t notice that it might be you.
I was planned to contact you, but somehow I just didn’t. Maybe my current activities, my self-happiness has blinded me and made me forget that plan. How disappointed I was.
Shocked, sad, and sorry. I don’t know why but suddenly my tears were just flowing.
When I realized that the news is true, I cannot stop crying.
Those memories suddenly shown up.
Our first meet on 1st grade of high school, how we get along and become best friend..
Things we’ve done together, stories and dreams we’ve shared together….
I remembered when I come to your house for the first time. Your little and cute dog that greet you as you are her mother.
I also remembered when you call me to come for dinner at your house with your family on the Chinese New Year’s night…you even take me home after the dinner…it was such a friendly and loving dinner with you and your whole family that time. Do you still remember the thing I gave you that time? Maybe it’s not that worthy; I was made it by myself since I don’t know what to give to you for you have most of what you need.
I remembered your lovely, nice and delicious cake and cookies, which you delivered to my house every time you come back to Semarang, even after we’re separated after college.
My last memory with you was when I finally come to Surabaya and spend the night together with you and your friends. We watched movie together that night, we have dinner and talked together. Did you remember that we cannot sleep well because we can hear people walking and talking outside our room? But we enjoyed the time because we’re together.
One thing that I felt sorry is because I refused your invitation to sing together, since I have flu that time. If only I said ‘yes’, maybe I can add one more memory that is singing together with you—thing that we haven’t done together along our friendship.
I also remember when you gave me souvenirs from abroad, since you know exactly that I love manga and anime that time.
All of the memories just made my tears keep flowing. I really can’t believe that you’re gone.
It was too fast, it was too fast.
I just remembered our last chat, when you told me that you have a boyfriend and you’ve started your own business with him…
I was very glad that time—that you’re finally find your loved one. I just imagined how lucky the man is, since he’ll have a charming, funny, beautiful lady as his girlfriend. Also a lady with great cooking ability who will definitely deliver him the best dishes she cooked. A lady with pure heart and lovely smile and laugh—I always love to watch you laugh, because you seem really happy when you’re laughing.
Remember when we watch the movie at night? You laugh out loud and that makes me laugh too.
But now I cannot see your laugh anymore, neither your smile.
I cannot hear your stories and dreams,
I cannot taste your delicious cakes,
I cannot see you.
Everything’s happened so fast.
It’s just too fast.
When I dreamed of coming to see you again,
Unfortunately I can’t.
I prayed for your happiness.
I can only pray for your peace.
I do believe that you’re now in the safest place.
I believe that you’re in Father’s loving hands.
Rest in peace my beloved friend,
It’s an honor for me to be one of your best friends.
I’m sorry if I can’t be your best best friend,
I’m sorry for anything I couldn’t accomplish during our friendship.
But please know that I’ll always pray for you…
Wherever you are, I know that God will guide you.
I don’t know why, but I believe that God has Thy plan on you.
Maybe He’s just missing you so much,
Because as I know, as your friends know,
You’re a lovely friend whom everyone wants to know.
Rest in peace, my beloved friend,
Let the memories always stay in my mind and my heart.
In memoriam Jessica Soewandy, one of Airasia Flight QZ8501 passengers.